Teenagers
by OverlyDramatic
Summary: Teenagers are so confusing. Lizzie ponders Sam and Casey's relationship and why it's doomed to failure. Some Dasey.
1. Chapter 1

This focuses on Casey and Sam's constant problems, even after they get back together (I know they're broken up right now, but the writers are obviously working toward something again). I wrote this about Lizzie, because she really is smarter than her family gives her credit for. Edwin may be in charge of research and finding behavior trends, but Lizzie is the one who talks Casey through her problems and notices when relationships need fixing. So, to Lizzie and her observational skills.

Disclaimer: Casey and Sam are dating. Sam is still on the show. It is unlikely that Casey and Derek will get together because the show plays on Disney channel. I obviously don't own it.

Teenagers

Okay, so my sister is dating this guy. Sam. And he's sweet, and funny, and cute, and loyal . . . believe me, I've heard all about it. And despite my sister and her tendency to exaggerate the attributes of people she feels strongly about—I mean, really, Derek can be a jerk sometimes, but you'd think he was a terrorist the way she goes on—Sam really is all those things. So why aren't they happy?

While assisting Edwin in his research, I've noticed several trends. First comes the mushy stuff: cuddling, cooing, roses, matching outfits . . .you name it. This stage is generally when everyone in the house decides to make themselves scarce. Mom and George work late and make unnecessary grocery runs, Derek stays for extra hockey practices, Marti goes to play with her friends and Edwin and I do research—and by that I mean spy on Casey and Sam, of course. No one actually says they're avoiding the house, obviously, but our studies show that our family is gone an average of 43 percent more often during this stage of the relationship.

Next comes the tension. Someone (usually Casey) interprets something badly or takes a statement the wrong way and Casey and Sam become standoffish. They still go on dates, work on projects together and hang around the house, but the atmosphere is much less love-y. They're full of akward silences, offended looks and little arguments. Last time this happened, Sam tried to make it better by putting his arm around my sister. I don't think I've ever seen her look so nervous; she looked like she wanted to melt through the floor, and not in a good way.

Then comes the inevitable blow up. Casey will push her opinion too far or, more often, Sam will say something that offends Casey to the core and they start yelling. The yelling stage doesn't last long—you'd think from Derek and Casey's arguments she could at least last a couple minutes—and one of them storms out, leaving the other confused and angry.

Tears follow. I don't know why Casey always cries when she and Sam break up, because it happens every few weeks, but despite the fact that she usually dumps him, she always cries for days. Everyone wishes they could disappear during this phase, but doing so would undoubtedly make it worse. So we sit through endless rants on Sam and how he never listens, and he doesn't understand her, and he's such a jerk sometimes, but he can be really sweet too, and oh, why hasn't he called? Luckily for the family (but unfortunately for Emily) Casey has a best friend to cry to, so we are spared the worst of it.

Next comes the make up. When one of them starts getting lonely, one of two things will happen: they will meet by chance or they will willingly patch things up. When they meet by accident things usually go much more smoothly—it usually involves them randomly kissing without speaking a word and solving absolutely nothing. When they are forced to patch things up they usually talk about their problems—while really getting nowhere—for about an hour before tentatively going back to dating. I must say I prefer the latter, since they seem shyer about PDA afterwards. The less PDA between Casey and Sam, the better for everyone.

And then, of course, the cycle starts again. Gushing, gloating, awkwardness, fights, tears and the solution. And again. You think they would have noticed how repetitive their relationship is by now. Well, I guess they have; they did break up for good a while back, but it didn't last. Not that the relationship will last either.

I have a theory. It explains their problems and the solution. Well, I guess everyone knows the solution is to stop dating _for real_. Everyone except Casey and Sam. But the problem comes from two things. One is Casey, and the other is Sam. Of course things aren't that simple. When Derek and Emily tried to set Casey and Sam up—when Derek wanted to go to Sweden—they found the solution: communication. Communicating probably won't save their relationship, but it might help. Sam especially has trouble with this. Sometimes Casey takes things too seriously, so Sam uses apathy to avoid fights. Which usually causes more fights. If Sam stood up for himself and told Casey what he was thinking they would be much happier. Also, despite the fact that Casey raves about Sam's loyalty he seems flaky. For example, before they started dating Casey made up a fe-manifesto for the men in our house. Sam told Derek how stupid the idea was then told Casey that it was really cool. Casey thought it was sweet, but honestly, how is lying to your friend to score points with his sister loyal? I mean, I like Sam, I really do, but sometimes agreeing with everything your crush says or does is a bad thing. It's called brown-nosing.

The next problem is the way Casey works. Casey is a very punctual, precise person. She wants everything in its proper order and likes to know exactly why she feels the way she feels. I really think that's why she's dating Sam in the first place. She knows when she met him she felt nervous, she knows he's sweet, she knows he's usually dependable . . .even during their off times, she knows why she's mad at him and why he's wrong. She even thinks logically about the situation and apologizes if she's wrong, which is a rare occurrence. She can be sure that Sam will eventually forgive her and they'll get back together. She could almost plan their fights and resolutions in her day planner, which is exactly how she likes things. I'm not saying she doesn't actually like Sam. She does like Sam, a lot. But he's too steady, too dull and she's already so structured that everything gets boring. There's no chemistry. Casey needs someone who is fun and spontaneous; someone to upset her plans, to make her uncomfortable every once in a while. She needs someone completely different from her to complement her personality.

Which brings me to the last reason Sam and Casey could never work out: Derek. Okay, I know I'm Casey's sister and Derek's my stepbrother, but I really think there's something going on there. They always insult each other, fight constantly and often violently, and rarely agree on anything, but they'll always help each other if necessary. They may not _admit_ they're helping each other, but Edwin and I have compiled a list: When I told Derek how much the teasing at school hurt Casey and it mysteriously stopped, when Edwin told Casey how worried Derek was about his English grade and she decided she didn't really want to fail after all, when Derek didn't give up on helping Casey lie about Bob even though he'd already finished his part of the deal . . . I could go on. Because when you get right down to it, it's obvious they care about each other. You couldn't find two more opposite people. But that's probably a good thing. After all, they say opposites attract. They balance each other. And no one can get under Casey's skin the way Derek does. Whether she'll admit it or not, she always reacts fervently to Derek; yelling until her throat is raw or being sucked in by his latest sob story, hating his flavor of the week or telling Emily exactly how unappealing Derek really is, running to Mom and George about his latest misdemeanor or watching—secretly impressed—at how much he loves his Smarti. She reacts unconsciously, erratically and emotionally whenever Derek is involved and that scares her. Because my big sister Casey is always in control. So she ignores her feelings for Derek, suppresses them into rivalry, and directs her energy on Sam. Which is probably unhealthy, and potentially problematic for Casey and Sam's friendship. It is definitely a problem for Casey and Sam's romance. Teenagers are so confusing.

I'm thinking about moving my efforts beyond simple research. I'm going to suggest to Edwin that we conduct an experiment and I know he'll agree. I'm sure I'm not the only one who wants to shake things up, even if Edwin has failed to notice the brewing tension. I want to see what would happen if Casey was forced to admit her feelings for Derek, if Sam was forced to admit that he knows Casey isn't right for him, and if Derek was forced to admit that when he first saw Casey at the wedding he almost asked her out—you know, until he found out she was his stepsister. I'm thinking somewhere along the lines of a kiss. By accident, of course. But how to make it happen? Maybe we could accidentally shove Casey into Derek during a heated argument. Or, better yet, shove Derek into Casey. Once they get close enough he's the one who will actually follow through and do something about it. I can't see Casey kissing Derek on purpose—she'd never admit she wanted to. But what about Sam? How to work that problem out? Hmm, I need someone to help me collaborate. Now where did Edwin go . . .?

I think I have a dreaded disease: one-shot obsession. Or maybe it's chapter fic phobia. Because I think if I start a chapter story, I'll get stuck and not be able to finish and everyone will get mad at me. Sigh. So, here's another one-shot. If anyone knows a good beta, let me know. I'm incapable of editing my own work. So, whoever feels like reviewing, flaming, criticizing, etc., let me know if the story rambled on too long or wasn't action-y enough or something. I think I have a romance phobia too. I love it; I just think I'll get it wrong if I try to write it. Hmm, I should see a literary psychiatrist. Wonder if they have those . . .?


	2. The Plan

This really has nothing to do with the story, but I was reading along on when I noticed something. Almost every T rated (and some K+ and M) use the phrase, "His her tongue begging entrance to her his mouth." This really has no relevance, and I'm not bashing people who have used this line, I just found it amusing. And have resolved not to use that particular wording at any point of any story I write. Not that I was likely to anyway, as I have no real experience in the matter. Sad, isn't it? But on to the story. Everyone wanted me to continue both of my LWD one-shots, so I decided to make this one a two-shot and see how it works out. That way there's still really no obligation and I can find out if chapter fics are feasible. So here it is.

**Disclaimer: Still not mine. **

It took weeks of conspiring, but Edwin and I finally came up with a plan.

After much consideration, we set our plan into motion yesterday afternoon. With a few carefully placed suggestions, Mom, George and Marti were out to ice cream and we had the house to ourselves. Derek was still at hockey practice and Casey went to Emily's, so we had a few minutes to check our props and failsafe the plan. Unfortunately, the plan went awry despite our efforts. Which may not be a bad thing. Here's what happened:

Step One: The Setup.

Before school yesterday (which, I will add for the purpose of data, was a Tuesday) Edwin and I learned that Casey would be working on a project with Emily after school. Since Derek has hockey practice on Tuesdays (and basically every day of the week), we saw our opportunity to interfere. We gathered the tools necessary and hid them away. After school Edwin mentioned to Marti that Lou's Ice Cream Extravaganza got a new flavor: Super Cherry Chill. Red happens to be Marti's color of the month, which means—after some whining on her part—it was off to the ice cream parlor for Marti and the parents. Edwin suggested to his sister that if they took longer than three hours she might find a bag of red lollipops in her bedroom, so we decided they would probably come home around nine. Marti tends to overdo things. So, Edwin and I had an empty house with which to set up the plan. Derek was set to return home an hour and a half later—though we gave him an extra half hour because he was likely to drive his new car around showing off for a while. Casey, who could not yet drive, promised to walk home at five. When Mom and George called around 4:30 to let us know Marti was being difficult and we would have to make our own dinner, Edwin and I knew the plan was complete.

Step Two: The Plan

Step Two is not really a step, but more like an explanation of the plan. Edwin and I knew Derek and Casey fought over the littlest things, so it wasn't difficult to plant something. We stole Derek's shampoo and removed all the extra bottles, leaving Casey's shampoo as the only option. Since he showers after her, she wouldn't notice the messy state of the shampoo bottle until that afternoon when she went to check her makeup (I really don't know why she does this, because she doesn't go anywhere in the evenings). After exploding at Derek—because, really, she wouldn't think of blaming anyone else—he would walk to his room, trying to ignore her, and we would leave our trap. He usually shoots insults over his shoulder, so just in front of his door, when he would probably be looking the other direction, we placed Edwin's skateboard. If all went well, this would catapult him into Casey and solve our problem. Hopefully their lips would collide, but in the likely event that they didn't, Derek's attraction would do the rest. It was perfect.

Step Three: Background Work

Through our observation, Edwin and I have discovered that Sam is easily manipulated. Not that he will do anything bad--or really even listen to someone if he knows they're manipulating him, unless it's Derek--more like he takes well to subtle comments and planting of ideas. Edwin found Sam after school yesterday in the interest of furthering our plan. He went under the guise of Casey's best interest--which actually held some truth--and discussed Casey and Sam's relationship. It's amazing what can come from casual, I'm-just-your-best-friend's-younger-brother-and-pose-no-real-threat, conversation. It turns out Edwin didn't need to plant a seed of doubt; he just needed to listen until Sam's existing doubt came forward. Apparently, Sam has been thinking for a while about his and Casey's relationship and has come to some conclusions. Namely, that she's too organized and analytical for them to get along for any length of time and that's why they're having problems. So basically, he's decided he should probably break up with her. So even though they're still dating, Edwin and I won't feel guilty for setting up Casey with Derek. Which solved that problem more easily than anticipated.

Step Four: The Event

Casey walked through the door at 5:02, just as expected, and headed toward the upstairs bathroom. Minutes later she returned, fuming, and flopped on the couch. Edwin and I took this opportunity to creep upstairs and set up the video camera behind the banister. We really have gotten quite skilled in the art of sneaking. So Derek strolled in around 5:17, giving Casey a good fifteen minutes to stew, and threw his coat on chair. Which, of course, only furthered Casey's frustration. The following dialogue is an exact transcript, as we have watched the video footage several times. I find it amusing that Derek's own camera is used to catch his incriminating acts without his knowledge. But anyway, on to the fight.

"You don't care about anyone but yourself, Derek Venturi!" To which, of course, he sniggered.

"Now, Casey, was that really so hard to figure out?" He rarely became as visibly agitated as Casey.

"Don't you want to know what you did wrong?" she huffed, annoyed at his nonchalance.

He humored her. "Alright, Casey. What are you mad about this time?" His voice carried a sympathetic tone usually reserved for small children. "You and Sammy-boy didn't have a fight did you?" His voice returned to normal. "Because, really, Casey, you can't blame me for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. It's not my fault you're doomed to fail; I tried to warn you."

Casey shrugged off his jab indifferently. "No, Derek, this is about you and your utter lack of respect for other people's property!" When he shrugged, bored, she grabbed him by the arm and attempted to push him up the stairs. Edwin and I quietly shifted the camera as he let her stalk him to the bathroom, an amused look on his face. Dropping his arm and finding the shampoo bottle, Casey continued her rant. "You used my shampoo. Without asking. And got junk all over the bottle!"

He didn't deny the accusations, merely responded, "I was out."

"That's no reason for you to take mine, Derek. Use someone else's. Go dirty for all I care. Just leave my things alone."

"Yours was the only one in there."

"So what, Derek. It's not yours to take. I don't care if there wasn't any more!" At this point Casey got a certain gleam in her eye, the kind that said she was really mad and wanted to make a point. A point which would probably piss Derek off. Spinning on her heel, Casey stalked to Derek's room. Edwin and I exchanged worried glances from the corner; the plan didn't seem to be flowing smoothly. Miraculously, Casey not only missed the skateboard as she walked in and slammed the door behind her, she didn't notice it. Derek rushed up and banged an angry fist against the door.

"Get out of my room, Klutzilla!"

"But Derek," her voice drifted into the hall in a falsely sweet tone, "you have the only surround sound stereo system in the house. I want to use it for a while. It's not like anyone_ else_ has a stereo for me to use."

"Casey," he warned menacingly.

She opened the door, a stack of Derek's CDs in her hand. Derek made a wild grab, which Casey evaded by ducking under his elbow. And onto the skateboard. I was jumping up to help my sister when she grabbed a handful of Derek's shirt, hooking her right leg around his left in order to keep herself steady. They ended in a tangled heap on the floor, her hand still clutching the fabric covering his shoulder and his leg trapped beneath hers as he landed on top of her. They stared at each other for a long moment, ignoring the CDs that rained down on them. They appeared to be unaware of everything around them as they breathed heavily in each other's faces.

"Nice going, Klutzilla," he whispered, and the sound of his own voice brought back his senses. Clearing his throat, he quickly untangled his legs and rose to his feet, glaring at Casey the whole time. Edwin and I sighed in disappointment. Casey didn't seem to remember herself until Derek was standing, though she rose to her feet and adopted an angry expression fairly quickly.

"What do you mean? That was totally your fault!" she shouted to hide her discomfort.

"And just how was that my fault? You went into my bedroom," the offense was obviously a heinous crime, "and touched my stuff." Which was an even worse crime. "Then you tripped on the way out. Klutzilla strikes again." Something was different about his face during the rant, an odd glint that had appeared after he had dusted himself off.

"Oh, please, Derek. You forced me take the action I did, you started the whole thing in the first place, and you probably taught Edwin not to pick up his skateboard! And I am not a klutz!" She contradicted her statement by slipping on one of the CDs littering the floor, barely managing to catch herself on a wall.

"Sure," he said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Besides, you were the one who pulled me down on top of you."

"Well it's not like I did it on purpose! I was trying not to fall and kill myself!"

"But you're already so used to it." His voice was mocking and the spark in his eye grew with every statement. "Besides, we all know you just wanted to get closer to Triple D. No one can resist, Casey, not even you."

"Oh, please," she retorted.

"Come on, Casey. We all know why you've seen my bathroom aim." As she opened her mouth to respond, Derek's eyes flared brilliantly and we finally figured out exactly what it meant.

"You perverted-." she began, and stopped. Because that 's when Derek kissed Casey. I mean, really, he had her shoved up against the wall. And she didn't seem to be protesting much. She actually seemed to be enjoying it more than she would admit. About time. Derek finally snapped, and that argument was the catalyst that pushed him over. I knew the skateboard thing was a good idea.

Step Five: The Conclusion

Soon after the plan suceeded, Edwin and I left. The kissing was starting to get a little passionate. When Derek's hand gripped her upper thigh and shoved her higher onto the wall we figured it was time to make our escape. We did leave the camera, though. You know, just in case some important confession occurred. And to make sure they didn't do anything too bad. Like move into the bedroom.

Reviewing the tapes (mostly in fast forward to avoid certain images; no matter who you are seeing your sister make-out with your stepbrother is not appealing.) showed two important facts. One, after their make-out session had ended they seemed happily flushed; and two, no confession occurred. They smiled at each other, Derek smug, but less so than usual, and Casey flustered and shy; then they returned to their rooms. Luckily for our sanity, this morning they seemed perfectly content to drop the "I hate you" act. Well, they still fought, but it was obviously more playful than usual. I don't believe another intervention will be needed. At any rate, when Sam broke up with her after school Casey didn't bat an eyelash. If fact, she barely mentioned it to Mom. I think Mom is suspicious. George, too, for that matter. I doubt Derek and Casey will inform them of recent events. I wonder what their reaction to that would be. Maybe I should show them that tape . . . Or not. Meddling of that sort is more Edwin's forte, anyway.

Some of it might not be perfect because of the stupid family laptop. It likes to delete random sections for no apparent reason, and I only noticed it when I was proof reading. So I had to re-write a bunch of stuff that was already just how I wanted it, so yeah. Annoying. I don't know if I kept them in character or not. It can be difficult, especially in extreme situations; which I'm sure most of you know. I have yet to decide if I'll make it a three-shot (wow, getting up there). I think I'll wait and see the general consensus on this chapter. Maybe I'll get to work on one of those other stories I've started. Hopefully I'll actually get them finished. Hmm.


End file.
